it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
