is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my liver is dry heaving
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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