I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
