there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
