matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
