i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
either way he was missing a nipple.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
