Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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