so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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