Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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