I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
