dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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