you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
