I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
