ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
