i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
