i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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