God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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