I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
