I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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