they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
