do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
