I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
