I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize