he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I cut my penus on the lid.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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