I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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