My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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