Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
don't judge my taste in strippers
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
we're so committed to being not committed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
