You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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