If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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