I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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