her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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