8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
