The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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