So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
