Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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