i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We had sex on a dog bed..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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