you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
