did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
