His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
