i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
