That's intense
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
