the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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