Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
