apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Randomize
