okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
