he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
