What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
