im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
