what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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