Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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