Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
