u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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