No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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