if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
