Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
