My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
