I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
