As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
