Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i've created a new STD.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
