I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize