____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
