Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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