4 words: hood of his car
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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