Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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