I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
