At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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